we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
