I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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