He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
