The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
