I wish I could teleport
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
