So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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