That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
