I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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