I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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