thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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