this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize