i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
