The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Randomize
