he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
