idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
