Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
