I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
