i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
