I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
