VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
