Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
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