Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
