Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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