i don't plan on having that self control this summer
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
So many bounce houses so little time
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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