My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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