if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Randomize
