he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
