and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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