can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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