Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
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