Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
