i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
How does one acquire holy water?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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