Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Ketchup is God's man juice
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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