i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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