yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
