hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
