If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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