so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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