Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Randomize
