what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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