i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
