Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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