Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
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