I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
