Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
