Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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