Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
