Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
We're too hungover to prance.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
