I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
These tits shall not be calmed
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
