What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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