new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
